Letters to [daughter] Jadene 2009 Aug-Sept.

(24 August)

As an only child, I was overly indulged in; both positively and negatively, much to my dismay.

(Not only an "ONLY," but FATHERLESS to boot.)

I remember the butt-swats, put-downs, "shoo!"s, mixed in with tickle sessions and "bouncy bouncy," and goggly-goo snuggles.  But to the untrained mind of a toddler, the browbeats--no matter how well-intended--and butt-swats created a resentment toward authority at a very early age.  Discipline was stricter, sterner in those times.  Gramma's style included THE GOODNESS of religious ideologies at her root, but also with the pre-mechanized PIONEER 'TUFF LOVE' imperative to 'git to work' and do GOOD quality work, donate some to community, be clean, presentable, and if you can't be (or don't wannabe) presentable then either go to your room, or 'go outside and play.'  Of course, I always ended up doing, going, or being something I shouldn't be, according to my ALL FEMALE gaggle of rotating caregivers/overseers (of my younger childhood).  More spankings must have sent me over that edge, that point-of-no-return, so to speak, to an almost incurable rebelliousness; a sense of which wore a frowning scowl, on and off, throughout the whole of the first half of my life; and still shows itself to this day in my daily musings and in when I speak.

The whole of this second half of my life has essentially been a struggle--and I feel a successful one for this lone individual carrying the name Adam--to see those frowns turned upside down and those scowls reversed to mirthful observance of all of the people and their processes, with pacific interest in MURPHY'S LAW (NATURE LAW, 1st & 4most) and related other so-called SYNCHRONOUS OCCURRENCE, and the rarer ZONE's arrival into the mix.